This is the inaugural Netbook entry, my first time using my shiny new blue Samsung NC10 netbook to write whilst on Caltrain. This thing is tiny; I feel like I have the hands of a giant, like I could just crush it between my thumb and forefinger. The girl next to me just called it cute.
Damn you Netbook! How dare you attract the attention I’ve so been craving and for which I’ve been yearning? The fact that you, with your glossy plastic packaging and nifty size, could evoke a reaction where I had failed makes me absolutely furious. I suppose mass consumerism has made you more sexually arousing than a 24 year old, not unattractive, mustached man, but I reserve the right to resent you deeply even as I deftly run my fingers over your smooth, firm, keys. Yes, I do seem to be good at those key “strokes.” No, you’re not my first computer, I’ve had others before you and, frankly, they’ve been bigger and more powerful.
I’m sorry, that was hurtful, Netbook. I love you just the way you are. Dainty and portable, like me (I think?). Let’s never fight again.
So I sit here having joined the elite, the Luminati of the Caltrain community the technologically adept and, more importantly, up to date. Realistically, there is nothing different about this little machine as compared to a laptop other than:
a) It belongs to a fancy new classification, like when SUV’s first came out everyone thought they were the shit even though they’re simply products of marketing and are actually exceedingly evil vehicles sent to Earth by Satan to create a physical manifestation of Sunday school dwelling soccer moms’ feelings of moral superiority.
b) It’s the newest thing, and proves that I’ve gone shopping recently. Hot damn! This must mean I have a disposable income, of which I have no qualms with disposing. Gold-digging women! Flock to me! Pez dispensers and Burberry purses await you!
Having purchased this thing, I have no grounds for complaint. I cannot, and do not, profess to be immune to advertising, market research, and the like. There is one advertisement in particular that does bother me, however: the stupid googley-eyed stack of money in the Geico commercials. You know the ones, with the ultimate culmination of “the money you could be saving on car insurance with Geico” bullshit. The slogan doesn’t bother me. What bother me is that advertising companies seem to be admitting that consumers (us) are idiots. There is no guise of wit or humour, this is simply saturation of our senses with these silly images and associated catchy 90’s techno tune. They are saying “you see it, and hear it, so you will buy it.”
And they are right. I will. Where’s my drink?